Argh Firefox 17

No idea what is wrong with it, it's making my cpu utilization sky high, and it's all extensions disabled on an empty page. I really hate stuff like this when updating linux. Time for opera then.

Linux: OS for the masses?

WARNING: RANTS AHEAD

I had my audio cut out on my Ubuntu 10.04LTS install - this happens quite frequently and it's annoying. A reboot solves it usually - my attempts to restart the audio server just don't do anything.

Anyways. I seriously wish I could use OSX as my main OS instead of just for my musical endeavours. But there is no way I can tolerate the osx user interface full time. I can get stuff done with gnome way faster, and for most of the stuff I do (surfing, email, raw photo conversion) and more technical bits on the side (houdini, arduino, processing) - linux makes more sense (colour management in linux though. IS ANNOYING). Especially with houdini, since it parallels what I use at work.

But I'm frankly getting tired of maintaining an operating system. That's what I specifically updated to when the LTS came out, because I'm not that kind of person who enjoys tweaking config files. Sure, I did. Like a decade ago, but no longer. Now I'm more interesting in using my computer as a means to get things I want done, done. Figuring out which nvidia driver to use or tweaking my xorg.conf is not something I care to spend time on.

Hence, if I could marry up the underlying system of OSX, with a nice, interface like gnome (I'd settle for KDE, honest.... well... maybe :P ). Googling gnome and osx brought up an interesting blog post.

"What Killed the Linux Desktop"

The title is sensationalism, in my opinion. I know at least 4 people who run various flavours of linux out of work, in addition to myself. But I know down the road a few of us may trod on a more well trodden path; windows or osx. The reasons are laid out exactly in the blog post above.

For me, there are simply no native applications on linux that run at the same level as those found on win/osx. For example, I use VSL as my main sample orchestra, and that does not run natively on linux. Some have told me to try running it virtualized, but I hardly see the point.

First, high end audio libraries are copy protected by either iLok or Elicenser. I really do not want to deal with copy protection designed for Win/OSX on linux. Running the VM server is not only overhead in terms of memory and cpu, but also in terms of time required to set it up, and maintain.

Many anti-apple people will hate it but I will say it. My OSX experience (10.4 to 10.68) has more or less been... "it just works".  OSX in particular has LOADS of issues in terms of usability - in my opinion - and I really dislike the app store - but when it comes to loading up Finale to write a score, and getting it over to Logic and getting it all done. Nary an issue. This is of course, not 100% true for everyone - just see various forums and people having issues with osx.

Gaming! Gaming is at least somewhat possible on OSX. Linux? Good luck... my osx box has less capable gpu and cpu compared to my linux box, but because the same game runs natively on osx but emulated (wine) on linux... guess which one works better?

The bottom line is, I use what works best for me.

Reflecting on life

Today might be the 1st of April, but this post isn't a joke. Already it is April, a third of the new year has passed.

Time... such a precious concept.

It was only yesterday I remember school, hating PT, dealing with studies, then bam.

Work. A new life. The winds of change.

I guess even though I'm halfway to my deathbed, I'm still discovering who I am.

Pensive, the day is, so the pseudo poet writes.

Go with the flow I guess. 

RANT

Very sick of people generalizing stuff. Seriously. Things do not "SUCK" because you have zero use for it.

Also, it does not make sense to put down things because they are not good.... BASED ON A REVIEW OR BLOG POST of some frakkin' website!!!!

I always roll my eyes in cases like these, especially if it's with things I've used for years! e.g.

NIKON SUCKS (Yeah totally. Check out that shitty non stablized 300/4 AF-S. That I happen to own. Yeah, utterly sucky. So sucky, it is more sucky than chewing gum in hair).

MAC SUCKS (Yeah, totally. Utter trash.)

HOUDINI SUCKS (Oh yeah, utter suck. Raydream Studio is much better.)

LINUX SUCKS (Uh yeah. It sucks, totally. So much I use it at home. Yeah, linux sucks sooo bad.)

(INSERT PRODUCT NAME) SUCKS (sigh)

Am I being a hypocrite? At times, I am very much a bloody hypocrite. But you know what? That's because I suck. I make mistakes, I learn from them. And I try to be better, and try my best to find out more about stuff and try not to put things down. Heck, do you know why I bought my first macbook? Because I was convinced that macs.... suck!

And you know what, after years of using them, I discovered a world of applications that simply do not exist on linux, or that their open source equivalents are just not up to it. Do you seriously think there would be an open source package that can rival Houdini? Naiad? Nuke? Get real!

And you know what. By championing only open source software and refusing to look into commercial products, one limits oneself to the availability of good things. Or even simply, things that simply do not exist in the open source side of things.

Even in terms of DOING things. I don't believe there are fixed ways of doing things, like to do X you must do Y. No. Is there a single way to draw a portrait? Is there a best way to paint? Are acrylics better than oils? If there was, EVERY SINGLE ARTIST will be using it. There is not. There is a best way, for you. For me.

Like Glen Vilppu says, "There are no rules, only tools."

Me, I try stuff. I know how I approach drawing and music is far different from people I speak with. Because I don't limit myself to "oh, this guy's way is the best". THERE IS NO BEST. Only the best tool/technique for that particular job.

I like to explore multiple ideas, different ways to create a hybrid that works best for me.

In addition, I do not have a need to become "An Artist" or "A Musician" because I DON'T WANT TO! Why are you obsessing about me! Me! I'm don't even know you in person! Don't ask me to me something I do not want to be.

I learn these things and more, because I am curious. I like learning. I am also single and have too much free time, and there is massive lack of wolves in my studio apartment. Hence, with no wolves to hug, what can one do? I learn, create and iterate. Is that not enough?

I don't want to draw the next Van Gough or whatever amazing art piece it is. It is a personal journey, a journey of exploration, learning and more. My "art" sucks. I know it very well. But it is not about the art. It is about breaking limits. I don't want to become "amazing artist X".

Art is about conquering my fear of drawing. It is the sweet, sweet feeling when I improve, and I know in my heart that if I can conquer this drawing thing, which I have feared for years, then I know that there is nothing that can stop me from learning and conquering new things if I so wish.

Plus, learning is awesome. That, is what I feel is the best use for my free time. You like gaming? Go for it. Enjoy flame wars? Flame on. I do not want to spend my time in such ways. I want to learn, create, and do stuff. Not argue over which paper type is best for water colors. My god. If my results suck? I learn from experience, try again.

Ok I think this rant has gone long enough, I am going to head out to the gym and do some nice long lengths down the pool.

And for the people that do not understand sarcasm, here's a wiki page. A healthy bit of sarcasm is mixed in up there.

"Children now play video games instead of Mozart"

I can't resist the title. Happened on this post this good day. Originally, I was going to put it on my music blog but heck this is blog is better for a rant.

And yet rant I can't. Just reading the article brings a mild discomfort to my heart. Gonna stop here.

How time flies

Checking out some piano sample libraries at Imperfect Samples, it seems like the downloads are in the range of gigabytes. Like..... more than a single layer dvd! (Ok, so I'm outdated but whatever)

It just brings me back to the old days with my 28.8k modem, when a game *patch* for like mechwarrior 2 or some microprose game, which was like perhaps a megabyte plus took about a quarter hour to download. A megabyte won't take more than a few seconds with today's dsl speeds.

Similarly - RAM. I remember the day I earned enough moola to afford the 8MB ram upgrade so that I could actually play mechwarrior 2 - I'd purchased the game only to realize 4mb of ram was insufficient >.> And look at us now. I have 4gbs on my laptop at home, and at work we get to use machines with insane (to me) ram limits.

How time flies, and technological progression marches on. Now if only we can develop not only technologically, but *socially*, as a species.

Ignore Everybody

http://gapingvoid.com/ie/

Came across this website, of all places, a forum discussing the merits of different audio compressors, i.e. VCA vs Opto vs FET vs etc etc

It's a very pleasant read, and I hope to incorporate a few more ideas into what I do in my free time.

The bottom line I read from the extract is:

Choose to live your life the way you think is best for you. No one else knows what is the best for you.

Chase your dreams, no matter how small. Don't copy*, be original even though the path may be lonely and un-travelled.

Work hard. This brings up the 10,000 hour rule, and the question of talent vs hard work. I'm sort of in-the-middle of the rule. I think talent is important, but more importantly, I think is the desire, the drive, and the (shudder) "passion" for what you love. Talent (which I wish I have) plus drive and dedication means an uber vfx td, imo. Which I am not. Yet. :P

Challenges. Everyone has their own set of issues with which to conquer. I think I have a fair number of those, like my inability to go socialize. I am sooo sad here, and it is what I believe to be a BIG challenge to tackle.

* I some what disagree with the no-copy idea. As stated in posts before, copying is a very good way to develop skills, not to exist as a copy. Skills learnt can be applied in so many ways (e.g. I use alot of wedding photography style flash, BUT I've never shot a wedding ;-) ) - once again, it brings up Everything Is A Remix.


This quote from the URL easily summarized the path I've chosen to walk.

"The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose one or the other with great care."

No regrets. Carpe Diem.

Parallelisms of learning

Today I realized how similar the path I took with the saxophone versus photography. In terms of learning, I approached them similarly, but one of self taught (photography) versus the saxophone, which I had the guidance of a really good teacher.

First, is learning from the masters.
One underlying topic my sax teacher has pushed is transcribing (I am pretty sure I wrote this in another post but whatever) - by doing so not only do we train our ear, we also learn the nuances of how the pros play, how they articulate to give a certain feel, it's like parker vs pepper vs desmond. Learn from the masters, and incorporate them into one's playing.

Exactly like what Everything is a Remix is trying to get across.

On the flip side for photography, I do the same, analyzing how the photographers I respect do their photography - this is exactly what I've seen mentioned in the many books I've read. But I only took to this several years ago. And indeed, it seemed like my photography skills improved quite rapidly after that.

So bottom line, copy. Devour everything you enjoy, find out how they do it, copy copy copy. And like the borg, become something greater than the sum of the parts.

or not.

:P

Out with the old...

Today actually marks the end of NaNoWriMo, and I did not make it close to the finish point at all (10k/50k). On the flip side, in the brief time I did spend on it, I learnt a little bit about writing, that I do enjoy writing but it's not something I'm "passionate" about (observe the double quotes, I'm not a fan of the word passionate).

Also, I finally wrote down what has been going on in my mind for years, which is very nice.

I will probably finish the story down the line when I keep figuring things out. In the mean time, I have other pursuits that I do enjoy spending time on.

This month has been quite downhill, for out-of-work things, but they seem to have calmed down, let's see what the next month brings.

Life

I just got informed today that Michael Garrick has passed away >.> Conversed with the gent a few times about the winter jazz course. Why? :(

Once again, feeling like numb and all. Sigh.

What is life?

So, one of my classmates departed this morning. I'm feeling very numb and empty inside. Even though we were not at all close, nearly 4 years of studying together still forms certain bonds of camaraderie. Sad to say apart from yearly new year greetings, we hardly spoke.

RIP mate, I am certain you are missed.

Long Live Play? Huh?

"When they tell your story, what will they say?"

Few words, and they inspire one to be more than they are.

Taken in context of the above commercial though, I feel they fall flat.

For some reason that will take awhile for me to fully externalize (hey I'm an introvert - cut me slack) - the moment they started to cheer for "Michael", who is probably the gamer in question, one word came to my mind.

ESCAPISM.

Great, so we're celebrating the gamer. The person who saved the world over and over again, won WW2, took down hades, destroyed sephiroth, saved the princess blah de blah. Erm.

We did not. We did it in a GAME. What happened, was not real. The only thing real, was you spent time, in a fantasy setting, living your fantasy. There is something happening in real life called.... real life.

Granted, my point of view, i.e. data point of ONE, hardly reflects the masses. Do I game? Sure I do. Not as a form of escapism though, it is purely a form of relaxation to allow my mind to connect the pieces together I've been working on. Not much different from going for a swim or a walk around the park, except that there is a very high chance that I get addicted to games. I know myself, hence the avoidance of owning a console myself (glares at the now-dead ylod PS3)

The point of this post? No point at all, apart from the fact the commercial rubs me the wrong way and I just wanted to emo about it. Seeing the $249 PS3 ad at the end was win. I shut the browser down. Sorry sony, want me to get another PS3? Buck up and give me FF7, in hd. With *all* the damned bugs.

With a bit more thinking, I think what truly irks me, is time. Or, the fact that time is probably the only resource that once used, cannot be recovered. Gaming, eats up time. No doubts about it. Is it a skill that once learned, can enhance our daily lives? I really doubt it. For example, I have completed FF7 like 3 times. The first run was about 17 odd hours; the next two runs I tried to do all the side quests, get the gold chocobo etc (till date, I have not killed the Emerald or Ruby Weapon. Insert sadface.) - easily 50 hours if not more, resetting the game just to get a bloody black chocobo for breeding. Seriously, what was i thinking?! Did I gain some skill in real life from breeding chocobos? (Side note: I still think chocobos are AWESOME and uber cuddly. Not as cuddly as wolves but I digress....)

I'm going to end this post now, as thinking about this just makes me more annoyed. I have stuff to do. In real life.

EDIT: I thought an answer to the question: "They'd say you spent your entire life playing games!" Wow! Compared to say, "He spent his life looking after dementia patients".... I really much prefer to have mine as "he spent his life learning stuff and not doing anything" to that, seriously.

Introversion

Every few days I load up google and search with terms like introversion, introverted etc. Had a new hit pop up:


http://www.moorea-seal.com/2011/06/i-am-introvert.html


I thought this description is much less dramatic than the usual link I toss around, Caring for your introvert.

The Quest for "Tone"

It is still very early days in my saxophone playing, and one thing I recently explored has been modifying how I sound via changing mouthpieces. For some reason, after trying out a multitude of pieces, I went "back to basics" and am currently using a classical piece, a Vandoren V5 A27 (yes I bought yet another one).

Veering off topic for a bit, as mentioned in a previous post, I'd picked up a Vandoren V16 A6S after doing lots of tests down at the sax shop. Playing the V16 for a bit still gave me the feeling that it was not as flexible* as I thought it was. The Vandoren Optimum AL4 has that flexibility - or perhaps it is all the harmonics - but I heard the tone as quite nasal. The V5 sorted that out, not nasal, brighter, more focused. On the flip side, the V5 bears similarity to the AL4 in that middle D took more effort to play resonantly - unlike the V16 that seemed to sort that out. Similarly, the lower register took more effort to play. The V16's lower and mid registers were effortless to play, notes just spoke! On the higher octave, the AL4 and V5 A27 had more body and fullness to them whilst I made the V16 very thin sounding.

Is this the sound concept I'm looking for? No... at this moment I must say I am not exactly sure what kind of sound concept I'm looking for. Why I went for the V5 is mainly how I hear the saxophone - I can't put it down in words, but it sounds like me. It's as if the V5 provided more projection, removed the nasal tone, but did not color the sound, and allowed me to come through. For now, I'm content, and can finally focus on playing, expressing oneself on the sax.

This brings up similarities between photography and the sax - the endless quest for "the lens". Will it give the smooth bokeh, the sharpness, the warmth? All these are valid points, but they do take time away from actual photography. A bit of a rant, I see too many "photographers" kitted out with the latest specs, and sometimes asking me why I'm using an old camera (2007), or why I'm actually using flash in broad daylight >.>

I feel really sad, that in this modern day where information can be found at a click of a mouse, people don't seem to use that capability to *learn*. There is so much out there on the web that just 10 years ago, non existent even in libraries. Few seem to realize that to develop a skill, it's not about buying the latest and greatest. Something even more expensive needs to be used to obtain these skills - time. Time to learn, time to practice, time to put the practice into action.

I think any art form revolves around woodshedding or practice. Endless practice.

And yet, practice just for the sake of practice, I find equally pointless. There have been many days I forced myself to do photography or hobby X - but there was no heart in it. Progress would be minimal. Another key factor, I'd like to think is drive. Passion? No. I don't think I have a "passion" for photography or the sax. Rather, I just enjoy them. For me I think my "passion" is the act of learning, accumulating new skills and gaining knowledge.


*flexible: As it the tone production feels locked down, or guided by the mouthpiece not me.

Statement of an artist? (Semi-blog emo post)

From ConceptArt forums:

As an artist the truth is there is not short cut. Being an artist or wanting to be is a nutso choice. One reason is once you dedicate yourself it is lifetime endeavor that means you are constantly learning, reshaping, growing blah blah indefinitely. Its a crazy life choice.

Browing ConceptArt.org for gesture tutorials and came across this. Wanted to put this on my "art" blog but decided to emo here instead.

When does one consider oneself an "artist" Is it the title (VFX Techincal Director, VFX Animator, VFX Artist). Or is it the final output (film, photos, painting, sculpture?) Or it the process. Or is it just the being? The want to learn, to further improve? To enjoy, revel in the process?

I don't know.

The quote from CA grabs at me though. Be it houdini photography or whatever, many of us are constantly learning, striving to be more than what we are. To hit the next level.

Indeed for myself I am trying my best to learn and grow. And yet on the other side of the fence, I ask myself why.

Then again do I care?

I need 48 hour days and the ability to sleep less. Then I can do more houdini, photography, drawing, learn the flute, sax and all the other shizzle I wanna do. Maybe even time to get a partner.

Blah.

GW

(I did say this was an emo post no? :P )